friends or friends one used to have

i have realized in the past few months that i don't have many friends. it may sound petulant writing about this, but to be honest, i don't mind it at all. one of the reasons i decided not to have a sweet sixteen is the fact that i really didn't know sixteen people that i would give a special commemorative candle to, and even people to invite in general. i remember one birthday party i had when i was younger, the guests were a majority of my mom's friends because i liked them better than my school mates. back to my original reason for writing this, is that i'm okay with how my friendships are for the most part. there are a few friendships that i would like to end or patch up, but the friends i have that are secure as my friends and vice versa, are really lovely to have around. i just don't believe that people should settle their whole life. whether in love, friendship, or in their job. settling is depressing to be honest. i don't want to be a pushover anymore, nor do i want to be pushed around with anything anymore. i love being nice people, but when people are mean to me, i can't take it. it makes me so sad. so why do i still surround myself with those people? who knows. i for sure don't. hopefully by the end of the school year i'll know where i stand with all of my friends. at least i don't have boyfriend problems due to the fact that i don't have a boyfriend *ba dum tss*